Tuesday morning headlines

MICHAEL DOUGLAS – has throat cancer, and is about to start 8 weeks of chemo. And since if he dies, Catherine Zeta Jones will be rich and single, his treatment isn’t gonna go so well if you catch my drift. (the sun)

LAURENCE FISHBURNE – has spoken to his daughter Montana for the first time since she announced she’s going into porn, but it was only to tell her he isn’t speaking to her until she gets out of porn. Luckily for him there are a lot of girls out there named “Montana Fishburne”. I bet most of his friends haven’t even made the connection. (popeater)

JESSICA SIMPSON – says she wishes she had a bigger ass and smaller tits. In other words, unemployed and anonymous. (huff post)

BRITNEY SPEARS – looked great on her way to Westlake studios in LA yesterday, which means today she’ll look like complete hell again. It’s a little game she plays. (x17)