Friday morning headlines

MIRANDA KERR – has confirmed the rumor that she’s pregnant. (popeater)
* don’t I know it, heh-heh-heh *

WYCLEF JEAN – is not on the list of candidates for Haitis presidential election, perhaps because he did not meet residency requirements (he was born in Haiti but left when he was 9 and grew up in New York). It’s Haitis loss. What if they need a mixtape, where will they find the freshest new beats? Not in the Presidential palace, I can tell you that. (nydn)

PARIS HILTON – Threw a hissyfit at a party in Vegas because Kim Kardashian (whose first hint of fame came when Paris would bring her to red carpet events) was flown in on a private jet, while Paris had to pay her own way. She was also jealous bc Kim is way more popular now, and has more high profile boyfriends. Turns out guys don’t like it when your vagina secretes a deadly toxin. Surprising but true! (us)

KIM KARDASHIAN – was at the Season 5 premiere of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ last night, and to class things up they also invited whoever the hell Josie Stevens is. She wore a dress that hugged her unique shape and a little pilots cap, probably bc she had to fly right back home to Whore Island. (splash, wenn)