Lindsay Lohan has lesbian prison gangs lining up

Earlier today, some smartass at E! wrote the headline, “How Will Mel Gibson’s Latest Rants Affect Jodie Foster’s Beaver?” And then Fox topped that by writing a lesbian gangbang rape headline with, “Lesbian Prison Gangs Waiting to Get Hands on Lindsay Lohan.” And that was an excerpt from an article in the Sun, titled, “Everyone will want a piece of Lindsay. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking.”

Oh I know right? What a sexy day it’s been for headlines. The Sun says…

Lindsay’s A-list neighbours will be replaced with tough guards at the Lynwood correctional facility, as well as fearsome lesbian gangs desperate to get their hands on her.
(A source said) “Everyone will want a piece of her. It will make them famous if they hurt Lindsay Lohan. Or if you get her to cry, the whole ward will laugh and people will love it – even the guards.”
“The gay inmates wear their shirts inside out to let others know they are available. So if Lindsay doesn’t want someone to grab her ass she’d better keep her shirt on straight. Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren’t looking. It’s disgusting.”

And though the source notes that she doesn’t think Lindsay will get raped, she is pretty sure her life will be an unbearable hell.

“She’ll be segregated from the general population but where she’s going it is even worse. It’s the wing where the murderers are.
“I don’t think they will actually be able to get to her, but you never know. At the very least some of those hardcases will try to scare her. They’ll scream stuff to her from their cells.
“I’ve been in segregation and it was rough. The lights are on the whole time. You hear people screaming all night long. The cells are filthy and kept brutally cold. You get one tiny blanket and that’s it.
“There’s an infection going around now. You can barely sleep at night from all the coughing. And there are girls with body lice.”

While I do like the idea of Lindsay crying herself to sleep at night on her tiny diseased pillow with more bacteria than stuffing, the story was way hotter when it had to do with lesbian rape. It would be the kind of police report you could jack off to.

(the picture is Lindsay in a promo for ‘Machete’. full size pic here.)