wait, what?

After weeks in virtual solitude, with no interviews or statement to the press addressing her jackass husband and his serial killer dick, Sandra Bullock is on the cover of People magazine with the revelation that she’s divorcing Jesse James, AND she’s adopted a baby boy from New Orleans.

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce from her husband Jesse James, and while that news hardly comes as a surprise, this might: Bullock has secretly adopted a 3-and-a-half month African-American baby boy named Louis Bardo.
The stunning story, as first reported by People.com, says that Bullock and James quietly began the adoption process four years ago, and brought the infant, who was born in New Orleans, home in January.
“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Bullock, who plans on raising the child by herself, told the magazine of her son. “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”
Bullock told the magazine that the events have generated great emotion from her. She said: “I am sad and I am scared.”

Wait, a black kid from New Orleans who doesn’t know who his parents are? That must be some kind of typo. I grew up 10 minutes from New Orleans, and I certainly don’t remember anything like that. It’s a wonderful place, a land of enchantment, with rivers of gumdrops and chocolate, and unicorn guides who welcome you with a loving embrace. Except replace “chocolate” with “urine”, “Unicorn” with “gangbanger” and “loving embrace” with “SKS assault rifle”.