monday morning headlines

ANGELINA JOLIE – has been estranged from her father Jon Voight for almost a decade, but he was in Venice this weekend spending time with her and Brad Pitt and their army of kids. Also this weekend, I put my dick in a milkshake. Coincidence? (msnbc)

THE HURT LOCKER – ran over ‘Avatar’ at this weekends British Film Awards. Both were nominated for 8 awards, ‘Hurt’ won 6, including Best Picture and Best Director. James Camerons movie about outer space kitty cats under attack may be a longshot to win the Academy Award now, unless they let dogs vote or something. (fox news)

VOTE FOR A TYLER READER – Technically I don’t care if gay people can get married because I’m not gay and I only care about me. I do however hate the government telling everyone what they can and can’t do, so in that sense gay people should be able to get married because, why can’t they just leave everyone alone. Go build a bullet train between LA and Vegas if you have so much spare time on your hands. Plus gay guys can’t have kids and I hate kids. What a utopia this world would be if more guys were gay. So that’s why I voted for Mikey in this wedding contest thing after he emailed me. So I can get my bullet train, and because my neighbor has two little kids who stand outside and scream all fucking day. The End. (vote)

HOLLY MADISON – attended the premiere of the new Cirque du Soleil show in Vegas. At least that’s what it said in my police report after I pulled down her dress. (NSFW pics under the cut. source = playboy and wenn)