kevin smith is too fat to fly on southwest

As you already know if you saw his hundreds of tweets or heard his podcast, Kevin Smith boarded a Southwest flight Saturday from Oakland to Burbank, took his seat, and then was approached by a flight attendant. She asked about his weight and wanted to know if he fit between the armrests on either side. He did, but she told him he was too fat and kicked him off the plane anyway.

“I broke no regulation, offered no ‘safety risk’. I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight! But I wasn’t about to throw a fellow Fatty under the plane as I’m being profiled. But he & I made eye contact, & he was like ‘Please don’t tell…'”

Southwest says it was a matter of safety. They also assume they’re going to crash.

“…a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an emergency might be compromised if we allow a cramped, restricted seating arrangement.”

I think most would agree that Smith is, um, “plus sized”, but no more so than 200 other waddling asses you could see at the mall right now. Maybe the problem is Southwests slave-ship style seating. Do you really want to fly on an airline where the line between life and death in an accident is this tight. If Kevin Smith is a safety risk, maybe they should widen the god damn aisles and fatty-proof their planes a little better. If anything, I’d rather fly on a plane stuffed with fat people, because I feel like it might bounce if we crashed.