john mayer really is an asshole

The vast majority of John Mayers Playboy interview (now online at Playboy.com) is made up of the reporter occasionally interrupting while Mayer composes a love letter to himself. The Jessica Simpson stuff has already been covered, but Mayer goes on to explain why he’s great in many many other ways, including why black people love him so very, very much.

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.'”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.

Stuff like this is why everyone hates white people. John Mayer does not have a hood pass. He has a pass to hang out with other rich people, who occasionally are black. White people like this treat the hood like a unicorn. It’s something they’ve heard about but never seen. But Unicorns have horns, which nature only puts there to be a weapon, and they’d probably stab you in the fucking heart with it. I’m not entirely sure what that has to do with black guys in the hood but I’m pretty sure it’s something.