battle of the dorks

Ben Affleck was almost todays big winner, because this morning in Santa Monica, Feathers Jones (NOTE – I don’t know their names) was threatening to look like even more of spaz while catching a football than Affleck did 14 months ago. Tuffy Jonas looks as gay as any guy chasing after other guys can possibly look with his pants still on, but Affleck still big times them.

Here, he keeps a sharp eye on the linebacker, who in this case is a girl in a suit. Just to make sure you understand which one I’m referring to, I mean the woman playing football in the mud while wearing high heels.

Although this effort proved unsuccessful, Ben took what he learned to the fourth quarter. There, like the mighty cobra stalking it’s pray, Ben lay in waiting. And then struck.

Attacking the defenses only weakness, Ben ran several feet down the field, and this black guy in the brown sweater pushed the ball over to him.

Two distinct paths now lay before Bens feet. One forged from gold and lined with flowers. The other cast in iron and mangled with thorns. Rising up like a phoenix from the ashes, Ben tippy toed over a 5 foot woman in a scarf, more or less caught the ball, and drank from the cup of victory.