afternoon headlines

FUN WITH TAZERS – Police in Merced, CA. used a stun gun on a man with no legs in a wheelchair. Twice. Then his pants fell down as they handcuffed him on the ground, and they left him that way in broad daylight. Then he sat in jail for 6 days, then was released for lack of evidence. Why would they do all this? Probably because the guy was an asshole. I’ve had a house cat kick my ass, don’t tell me someone in a wheelchair can’t bite and scratch and give you some disease. And of course they left him on the ground. He’s got no legs. What should they do, carry him around on their back like he’s Yoda? (ap)

KHLOE KARDASHIAN – will marry LA Laker Lamar Odom this Sunday, even though they only met last month. “It will be a very detailed and classy affair,” a source said of the wedding. Unlike the divorce next month, which will be haphazard and bullet ridden. (people)

HEATHER LOCKLEAR – has agreed to reprise her role as Amanda Woodward on the new ‘Melrose Place’. The plan is for her to make her debut on Nov. 17, around one month after the show will be canceled. (wonderwall)

BILLY JOEL – is 60, and still divorcing 27-year-old Katie Lee Joel, but yesterday he brought his new gf to the opera, and she looks even younger than Katie (picture). At what point are we gonna see the FBI confiscating this guys hard drives. (popeater)

ANNALYNNE MCCORD – wore this awesome dress to the HBO Emmy party Sunday night. She and I would be a good couple because we’re both real hot, but I dress real conservative. My sexuality is assertive without being pushy. (hq jump here. source = getty and pco)