Please kill yourself

There’s a very good reason why Gwyneth Paltrow is widely considered the most annoying person in Hollywood.  If you’ve forgotten what that might be, here’s her latest newsletter to talk down to you remind you.

As I write this, I am finishing the amazing three-week-long “Clean” detox program detailed below … I feel pure and happy and much lighter (I dropped the extra pounds that I had gained during a majorly fun and delicious “relax and enjoy life phase” about a month ago).

A “relax and enjoy life phase”?  Oh, that’s a good idea. I don’t know why I never thought of that. I need to spend summers in Spain and Paris like you recommend too. I just hope Gwyneth stays with us forever. She’s so wonderful I worry she might transform into a beam of pure radiant energy, with only her loving, omnipotent spirt to smile down on us from above.