Kendra gives good advice

I guess this page is now some TeenBeat Hotline where I give dating advice, because Kendra had another dating question on her site, and God knows why she even knows who I am but this time she sent me her reply to see if we agreed. And it turns out we sure as hell do.  She says the worst possible first date is a movie, because you sit there for two hours and you can’t even talk.  She says that’s boring and she’s 100 percent right.

If you have a date with a super hot girl, I think a good idea would be to go to a really nice restaurant and then after you place your order, pull a ventriloquist dummy out from under the table.  One of those creepy ones in a tuxedo, named Mr. Peepers or something like that.  Then have it tell your date how sexy she is.  Then have it say something really suggestive about her and get into a really loud fight with it.

This of course is if YOU have a date with a super hot girl.  Because then maybe she’ll get freaked out and have sex with me.  My policy is to give my friends horrifically bad advice, and then try to benefit from it.

If I were going out with a super hot girl for the fist time, I would try to plan something where you move around, just like Kendra said.  You don’t want to sit still.  Not a bar or club or that crap, but something intense, more like bungee jumping.  It’s been proven that adrenaline experiences create an intimacy with the ones you share it with.  So then she’ll feel close to you, and if the point is to have sex with her, that will certainly help.  But make sure she doesn’t die.  That will NOT help.

After that, you have to go to a really nice restaurant.  It will impress her, but much more importantly, it will take a few hours.  At some point she’ll have to use the restroom, and that’s when I always stir a few Morning After pills into her food and drinks.  I can’t be taking any chances.  I’m way too hot to be tied down right now.

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