Joe the Bulldog is on the case

(UPDATE NOTE – um, feel free to email me when I do things like post the wrong video. you’re supposed to stop me before I make an ass out of myself, ya know)

Joe Jackson was on Larry King last night, along with Eddie Murphy in character as “Joes Friend”, and these clips are awesome but not as good as the live show with captions because then you could watch that poor son of a bitch try to translate Joes mumbled gibberish into some language from earth.

In just the first two minutes he says “the fire truck was followin the amalance” and “I’m tortofa tough person myself”, and you know the caption typing guy just shit his pants, knowing full well he had 58 more minutes of this to come. I would have tapped out right there. The screen would have said, “Amalance? AMALANCE? C’mon WTF?”

At 5:56 Joe says he doesn’t know where Michael’s body is. At 7:05 he says he doesn’t know anything about burial plans. Keep in mind Michael died on June 25. On Saturday it will have been one month. Even elephants throw leaves over their recently dead, but Michael still sits in a freezer.

At 0:31 of the second video, Joe is asked abut the private autopsy the family had performed to determine the cause of Michaels death and Joe says no one has told him the results and he hasn’t asked. And really why would he. If the autopsy doesn’t say anything about where to find more smoove sexy hats, who cares.

You may find this hard to believe but the insane and hard to follow segments are still yet to come, because after that Joe the Bulldog and Eddie Murphy start unveiling their “Michael was murdered” theory. At least I think they do. Listening to Joe is like listening to Kenny from South Park.