Chris Brown is really sorry

Chris Brown has turned to YouTube to make his first at length public statement about the night he punched Rihanna in the face a hundred times. He says he’s incredibly sorry and asks Rihanna and the public for their forgiveness, and it’s all pretty convincing, but what did you think he was gonna say? “That bitch had it comin. I warned her not to fuck with me.”

I have no idea if he’s sorry. People fuck up. They go too far. They do things they regret. They make mistakes and they hate themselves for it. But as you watch this and hear that he’s done everything possible to make sure this kind of thing never happens again, keep in mind there are no reports of any kind that he’s ever attended any actual therapy or been treated by a professional.

When he talks about all his soul searching, keep in mind that he was at Diddys mansion in Miami less than three weeks after putting Ri in the hospital, riding jetskis and partying with bitches (pics and pics).

When he says he wants to take full responsibility, he means now, in this office, in the metaphorical sense. When it came time to legally accept full responsibility, he would only agree to a misdemeanor with no jail time. (source)

When he says he wishes he could live those few moments again, he means the time he got caught, not the other times he allegedly beat her up. TMZ says she told the cops her “beatings kept getting worse”. Us magazine says she was bruised up back in December. The Enquirer says she told a friend this: “He’ll hit me and then feel bad afterwards, but then he turns into the sweetest man.”

When he says he’s not here to make any excuses, just ignore when he updated his private Facebook by saying “You’ll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!” As if it were Rihannas fault. (screencap)

Basically just keep in mind that he’s reading something, probably written or at least co-written by someone whose goal was to write something that sounded really good. If I made a video and said these exact same things, does that mean I’m sorry for punching Rihanna?  And if a video showed experts testifying that my dong is humongous, does that mean it’s true?  Actually yes, that one would be true.  That was a bad example.