A Madonna sex tape is for sale

Madonna is 50 now and a pale muscly mess, but back in 1992 she was kind of hot, and her body was awesome, so if there has to be a Madonna sex tape, this one comes from the best possible circumstances. The Mirror UK says…

(Madonna is) bracing herself on hearing that some of her old X-rated video tapes, voice messages and love letters are about to be made public.
The intimate items are going up for grabs in an online auction.
The personal artifacts – including two micro cassette tapes of answering machine messages and 21 faxed letters – shine the spotlight on her romance with former minder Jim Albright. He started work as her bodyguard in 1992 and mixed business with pleasure for two years.

The good news is that 1992 is the same year Madonna released her Sex book (27 NSFW pics from that here) and back then she was a complete slut who looked terrific.

The even better news is, if you made a sex tape in 1992, you had to really want to make a sex tape. Even home movie cameras were big clunky things with full size VHS tapes inside. Go to the White House today and put one of those on your shoulder. Secret Service would think it was a missile. A red dot would appear on your forehead and they’d turn you off like a light. So if Madonna made a tape back then, it had to be some big affair, maybe even with professional lighting and multiple cameras.

But the best news of all is that Jim Albright sounds like he would be white. That may sound bad initially, but keep in mind that I’m incredibly racist.