afternoon headlines

RUBINA ALI – police in India have found no evidence that her father tried to sell the “Slumdog Millionaire” actress for $400,000.  Wait I thought it was 300,000?  See, this is why you always bring the coupon when buying Indian kids.   (source = the AP)

BRITNEY SPEARS – Ryan Seacrest says a “reliable source” tells him that Britney Spears is pregnant again.  But her kids seem okay so whateverl.  It’s the Paris Hilton rumors that worry me.  Obviously it’s not cool to wish a miscarriage on anyone, because wishing isn’t gonna accomplish anything.  The way to do it is to punch her in the stomach as hard as you can. (source = kiss fm) 

PETRA NEMCOVA – I’ve always thought this chick was sorta ugly, so taking all of her clothes off for the Italian magazine "D" was a cunning move to gain my favor.  My response must be measured with the greatest of care.  She and I are like two masters, discovering our opponents weakness in a well played game of chess.