morning headlines

Because this is the most your bipolar ass can focus on first thing in the morning.

NATASHA RICHARDSON – Natasha is now in a NYC hospital but a family friend says, “There is no chance.  It is a fact that her heart is beating but she is brain dead.”  Doctors say it is essentially already over.  At first I hoped they were talking to doctors who weren’t medical doctors, but “Dr.” as in a rapper or someone really good at bbq, but no, it was the medicine kind. (source = people)

RIHANNA – Ri is going out more and more, but never with Chris Brown, whom you may recall, “began applying pressure to (her) left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness”.  Anyway, over the weekend she hit up a quiet bar in Manhattan.  “She stayed from 11 p.m. till about 2 a.m. for a friend's birthday.  The room was completely blocked by her bodyguards.”  These bodyguards must be a nervous wreck.  It can’t look good on your resume if your client was almost beaten to death.  And they know who did it.  It was that guy.  Right there.  The one she’s getting into a car with all by herself.  (source = new york post)

JESSICA ALBA – Because of space constrictions, I had to edit out the sassy effeminate Korean dude from Jessica’s February Elle magazine shoot.  I apologize.  I don’t know why I still tell people that Tyler is the internets Sassy Effeminate Korean Dude headquarters.  It’s simply not true anymore.  (source = elle)