morning headlines

RIHANNA – Lawyers for Chris Brown want the charges dropped because it was all a misunderstanding when he beat the shit out of Rihanna.  “He will argue it was a misunderstanding between two young people passionately in love.”  Wow.  The balls on this guy.  (source = the Sun USA)

FATTIES – Did those fatties bring their own bench?  Because the bench they’re on doesn’t look bolted down or anything.  So I guess that’s a special one they bring from home.  Also because it hasn’t collapsed yet.  (source = College Humor)

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN – Kim's hot sister took some slutty pictures for Maxim magazine, which no one reads, and the footage of that shoot will air on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”, which no one watches.  She’s got this Hollywood thing all figured out. (source = the Sun UK)

BRITNEY – Britney Spears put on a bikini last week, and across the internet it was like those movies when a brave warrior stands over a cliff and blows into a conch shell.  Creepy perverts everywhere leapt into action to see if they could spot her vagina.  Because why wouldn’t they.  And they did it!  There it is!  A blurry line near her hip!  What a whore she is. (image source = Splash)