if only he really was doing this

Star magazine says today that John Mayer is considering a tell-all book about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston, where he’ll, um, you know, tell all.  Including the time during sex when … when … wait for it … she called him “Brad”.  Star, go:

…what embarrassing info could John reveal? For one, Jen made a slip of the tongue calling John "Brad" in bed! He also knows all about her obsessive exercise regime, embarrassing TV viewing habits, devotion to astrology and numerology and has witnessed the actress throw fits!  Then there's the whole thing about their sex play…

Of course she called John “Brad”.  She's nuts.  Listen to Brad tell it and you can’t figure out if they’ve ever even met.  You and I both know the day is coming when this daffy bitch is gonna be seen dragging a Brad Pitt-sized burlap bag and pushing it into the backseat of her car, then the next day an old-timey spinning newspaper headline will scream BRAD PITT GONE MISSING, in that giant font they normally save for monster attacks.