matilda will get the oscar

The Academy Awards are this Sunday, and there are only two guarantees.    1.  At around 8pm, I’ll say, "aww shit, is that boring crap tonight?  God dammit."  2. Heath Ledger will win Best Supporting Actor for The Dark Knight.  Up until now, no one knew who would actually keep the statue.  Which is where I’m headed with this.  

Academy tradition calls for a posthumous statuette to go to the spouse, or, if there is no living spouse, to the oldest child. Ledger wasn't married, and Matilda is his only child.Yet because she is only 3, Matilda is legally unable to sign the winner's agreement – a contract required of all nominees that says the recipient will not resell his or her Oscar without first offering it back to the academy for $1. After conversations with Williams and with Ledger's family in Australia, the academy hit on a solution: "In the event that Heath Ledger should be selected as the supporting actor recipient, the statuette will be held in trust for his daughter by her mother, Michelle Williams, until Matilda reaches the age of 18," says Bruce Davis, executive director of the academy.

One other guarantee is that I'll be a sensitive mess when Ledger wins.  That dude was awesome, and it sucks that he’s gone.  Also, my rare display of emotion will win me points with the ladies.  Girls like guys who shed a single tear during stuff like this and also animal cop shows.  They don’t, however, like it when you cry uncontrollably on their voicemail because they never returned your calls after your date.  In my defense, you did say you would call.  I thought we really hit it off.