stay away from me, nbc

Two of the biggest shows on NBC are "Deal or No Deal", where contestants randomly guess what number might be inside a suitcase, and "Law and Order: SVU", where white people commit 98 percent of all crime.  And today the stars of both those shows are in the hospital for some pretty serious shit.  

"Deal" star Howie Mandel was in Toronto filming his new candid-camera show "Howie Do It" (*), when he had to be hospitalized for an irregular heartbeat.  Howie is famously neurotic about germs and his health, one of those people who don’t shake hands and carry sanitizer everywhere, but in this case a routine physical led to the discovery.  Prior to this, Howie felt there was nothing wrong with his heart.  "SVU" star Mariska Hargitay's health crisis is a bit more serious, that is to say, deadly.  TMZ says she suffered a partially collapsed lung over Chritmas holiday and it collapsed again today.  Hargitay was sledding in the Hamptons around New Year's Eve but the cause of the problem is unknown.  

So, one has a broken heart and the other can’t catch her breath.  Oh no.  I've seen this before.  If the cops find a Christmas card with me licking my lips in a Santa hat, I may be in big trouble.  These handsome good looks, they’re my blessing, and my curse.

(*) I don't get it.  🙁