OH GOOD, MORE KIDS

Jennifer Garner gave birth to a little girl last night, the second child for her and husband Ben Affleck.  And thank god too.  I was really worried we didn’t have enough kids in this country.  People magazine says:

The actress's rep says: "Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck gave birth to a healthy baby girl."The baby was born Tuesday in Los Angeles. No other details were immediately available.Garner and Affleck, both 36, are also parents to daughter Violet, 3.

I cannot stand GD kids so if this was supposed to be heart warming it failed on every level.  Do you have any idea how much of MY life is regulated because of stupid GD kids that I don’t have?  From back windows I can't roll down to lighters I can't light to medicine caps I can't open to that insufferable beeping that you can hear in the next state every time a delivery truck goes backwards.  No tits on TV.  Why?  Kids.  "Let's regulate the internet and set up a rating system!"  Why?  Kids.  There are stickers all over my new cars sun visor.  Do you know why?  That's right.  Kids.  I DON’T HAVE FUCKING KIDS, AND I'M NOT HERE TO HELP RAISE THE ONES OTHER PEOPLE HAVE. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR STUPID FUCKING KIDS PEOPLE!  Do you have any idea how many taxes I pay for after school programs and school breakfast programs and juvenile facilities, all for kids I don’t fucking have, all because some other dipshit had a kid and they’re either too dumb or too poor to raise them.  WHY IS THIS ON ME NOW?  I DON’T WANNA PAY FOR YOUR STUPID FUCKING KIDS!  YOU HAD THEM, YOU RAISE THEM!   How many crimes are committed by kids under 16?  I m willing to guess it's 98 percent.  Who is it kicking off my side mirrors at night and fueling the meth industry?  Is it old Asian men, or is it 15-year-old idiots?  STOP HAVING KIDS, do whatever you can.  If you’re gonna have sex and you don’t have a condom, take your gum and stick that on the end of your penis.  Or better yet get a cork and shove that down there, or throw some kitty litter in her vagina before you start.  Do something, anything, i don't care, I'm just sick of your GD kids.

Oh but congratulations to Ben and Jennifer.  What a blessed day this is.