PARIS IS GONNA SOLVE THE MYSTERY

Paris Hilton was of course robbed last week and thieves took, ahem, "two million dollars" in jewelry from her home after she left her front door open and then hit some clubs, but if you’re sitting there counting your diamonds and thinking you’ve pulled one over on Paris Hilton, E! and I have bad news for you.

"You know, it's just an invasion of privacy, and it's happened to me before. It's really scary but they're doing a huge investigation on this, and we're going to catch this person.""Obviously it's devastating and disturbing that someone was in my home," Hilton said. "[But] we have three security guards there and a 24-hour guard who is always on my property. We have the alarm on, [we have] the dogs, the guards with the gun, so no one is going to be coming into my house."Having viewed her home surveillance tapes, Paris Hilton doesn't think a stranger is responsible for burglarizing her Sherman Oaks, Calif., abode."I think whoever did this, definitely has been there before," the ripped-off heiress told E! News Monday while perusing the racks at the L.A. boutique Intuition. "We have some suspects that I'm thinking of.

Oh yikes.   Paris is on the case, and crime has a powerful new enemy.  The same girl who left the front door open and her jewelry just lying around has a few ideas on how to crack this thing wide open.  Number 1, trap the thief by putting more jewels on the center of the floor on a big red X underneath a piano held up with ropes.   Another good idea is to paint a fake tunnel on the side of a cliff wall so that when the burglar tires to escape he bonks into it and curls up like an accordion.  She said she saw these ideas implemented successfully on TV once.  She thinks it might have been Law and Order.