OH STFU SCARLETT

I don’t even dislike Scarlett Johansson, but actors shouldn’t be allowed to talk for at least 10 years after they become famous.  Actors are fucking retards, and celebrity interviewers are even dumber than that, so really what's the point.  You might as well ask your dog why he ate your slippers.  You don't really think you're gonna get an answer, do you?  Her interview with the London Times was no exception.

Think Marilyn Monroe or Sophia Loren transported through time – the hour-glass figure and sprayed-on frocks – and you have some idea of the cinematic heritage of Ms J, a woman who, at just 24, has men young and old praising her as a siren, a muse and a pin-up for our times. Women, too, can appreciate La Johansson. According to one glossy, she possesses the body that most admire.“Oh yeah, that stuff,” she drawls in that unmistakable, husky voice, raising a pencil-thin eyebrow. “Well, I never expected that kind of thing, to be honest. I think that comes with my age, the whole sex-symbol thing. I’ll grow out of that. It’s a phase. And people want to turn you into merchandise in some way, don’t they?”

Bitch you better hope you don’t grow out of it.  I don’t even think she's a bad actress, but her career is based on her tits and her lips.  The interview should have just been 4 hours about that.  No questions, just me staring at her tits.  If she tried to interrupt, I would say, No Speaka English.  And if that didnt work, I’d say, "Um, Woody … Woody Allen", and she’d say, "Oh my gosh, he is amazing, he gives his actors such a playground to work with…" and she would carry on like that while I went back to staring at her tits.