RUN FASTER FATTY

Just about one month ago, Jennifer Lopez was overheard complaining that she wasn’t getting enough attention for doing the Malibu triathlon.  Well that nonsense was yesterday, and good news Jennifer, you're about to get some attention.  MTV says…

Jennifer Lopez will be one proud new mum today after successfully completing a gruelling triathlon in Malibu this weekend.The 39-year-old mum gave birth to her two twins, Max and Emme, just seven months ago, but managed to reach the finishing line in an impressive two hours, 23 minutes and 28 seconds.

Oh jesuschrist I hate entertainment media.  "Grueling" my ass.  Malibu is not a real triathlon.  Malibu has a half-mile swim.  A real triathlon has a 2.4 mile swim.  Malibu has an 18-mile bike ride.  Real triathlon goes 112 miles.  Malibu = 4 mile run.  Real triathlon = 26.2 mile run.  Malibu has a total of 22.5 miles.  Real triathlon?  140.6 miles.  And Lopez finished behind several “disabled” participants, meaning athletes who are sick or have lost a limb, like they have no white blood cells or legs.   Read that again.  People allergic to sunshine or pulling themselves along the road with their fists beat Jennifer Lopez in a race.  And she’s bragging about that.  Even though she looks disgusting.  She has the worst possible female body.  A big fat ass and no tits.  It had to be terrifying to see her flop out of the ocean, waddle over to the bikes then clomp clomp clomp, thundering down the street for her leisurely relaxing jog, her fat ass casting a giant ominous shadow across the landscape like when the UFO’s hovered over the White House in Independence Day.

(picture source = splash news)