JESSICA IS ON TOP OF THE WORLD

Her rep denies it, but for about two days now the rumor has been that Jessica Simpson has broken up with Tony Romo.  Us magazine is the latest to say they’ve split, and then they pile on by saying she’s still hung up on John Mayer, so much so that Jess got drunk off her ass when she saw the pictures of Mayer with Jennifer Aniston.  Us says…

The 27-year-old singer was so out of it after a four-hour session of drinking at L.A.'s Mexicali Cocina Cantina on May 10 – which started at the pre-happy hour of 4 p.m. with BFF CaCee Cobb and her beau Donald Faison – that she was reduced to leaving her Range Rover in the parking lot and calling her mom Tina for a ride home (for good measure, CaCee Cobb threw up under the table); that same night, Us Weekly also reports that beau Tony Romo partied solo in Chicago and was overheard telling friends he was single again.

This is good news, since it opens the window for me to finally be with my beloved Jessica.  Tony is a dork.  She deserves a handsome stud like me.  To learn more about my exciting adventures of passion and karate, check out this months issue of Fantastic Handsome Lover magazine.  (full size of that banner pic here.)