18 MILLION GD DOLLARS?!?!?!

Miley Cyrus, who is 15-years-old and completely ordinary in every way, made $18.2 million last year, according to Parade magazine, who seemingly won't be happy until I kill myself.  Here's a list of some other celebrities and what they made, according to Us magazine…

 Katherine Heigl: $11 million Jessica Alba: $9 million Dr. Phil McGraw: $90 million Steven Spielberg: $110 million Ryan Seacrest: $12 million Mariska Hargitay: $7 million Trouble (Leona Helmsley’s dog): $12 million Tiger Woods: $115 million Jeff Foxworthy: $10 million Oprah Winfrey: $260 million Mary-Kate Olsen: $17 million Gisele Bundchen: $33 million Scarlett Johansson: $5 million Eli Manning: $11.5 million 50 Cent: $33 million Carrie Underwood: $7 million

In a related story, I dropped a doughnut on the ground but no one saw me so I got to eat it anyway.  Hooray!