“PEOPLE OF EARTH…”

Rihanna and Ashlee Simpson shared the red carpet for a few minutes last night at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards, and both of them look they landed here on a spaceship.  I don’t like to say anything bad about black people because it makes me look even more racist than normal, but some might say Rihanna wears too much makeup.  It looks like someone wanted to teach her a lesson so they shoved her face into a counter that happened to have all her makeup on it.  She barely even looks real.  It's like a sexy Shrek.(EDITORS NOTE – Andy Warhol used to get paid appearance fees to show up at bars and parties and stuff, but he thought that kind of thing was dumb so he had someone wear a white wig and makeup and pretend to be him.  It wasn’t hard because all he ever did at parties was stand in the corner by himself and not talk to anyone.  That story isn’t relevant to anything but I saw Rihannas giant hands and I thought it might be a guy pretending to be Rihanna and so I remembered it.  Fascinating, huh?)(EDITORS NOTE 2 – If you’re using Word on a Mac, and you type "spaceship" wrong, why the hell would spell check recommend "spacechip"?  Spacechip?  SPACECHIP!?!?  Fuck you Bill Gates.)