NO WONDER BRITNEY IS SCREWED UP

Some guy tells Us magazine that one reason Britney Spears might be so fucked up is because of her family history.  And by that, I mean her slut grandmother shot herself at age 31, leaving behind four kids, including Britney's dad, who was in the eighth grade at the time.  So he was about 13, meaning mom had him at 18, in about 1948.  Pretty damn scandalous at the time.  This source also says that Britney's carefully orchestrated virgin jailbait persona was nothing more than an act, and she actually lost her virginity at 14.  Grandma would be so proud!  Us magazine says:

Us has learned that Spears' paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, in June 1966 committed suicide at age 31. Britney's grandmother, who suffered from depression, shot herself in the chest with a shotgun at the grave of her infant son who had died eight years earlier just three days after being born.A local newspaper article obtained by Us reported at the time: "The shotgun had been pressed against the woman's chest and she apparently pulled the trigger with a toe of the right foot from which a shoe had been removed." Emma Jean Spears left behind four other children, including Britney's father, Jamie Spears, then an eighth grader. Two of Jamie Spears' brothers ended up with criminal records and homeless….lawyer Eric Ervin, who worked with Spears as a teenager, says that the "virgin" image Spears portrayed was, in his words, a "PR blitz." In fact, Spears lost her virginity at 14 to boyfriend Reg Jones, and that she and Justin Timberlake were intimate from the beginning.

God this is all so shocking, so insane it's hard to even believe, but if you're like me, you're left with one haunting thought: I wonder if Reg Jones was black?  Because he sounds black.