CELEBRITIES ARE ABOVE THE LAW

Way back in the first week of June, Akon was on stage at a concert when a fan threw something on stage, something a local paper said was a piece of a pretzel.  Akon then had the soft dough throwing madman brought forward and taught him a lesson by lifting him onto his shoulders and then throwing him into the crowd. Now, six months later, local police have finally gotten off their fat ass and filed charges.  Sorta:

Police are slapping the hip-hop star with criminal charges after a fan said she suffered a concussion in the incident. Akon is due in a Fishkill, N.Y., courtroom Monday to be arraigned on misdemeanor charges of endangering the welfare of a minor and second-degree harassment. During the June concert, Akon threw the audience member from the stage into the crowd the boy landed on another fan, Abby Rosa, who told the Poughkeepsie Journal that she suffered a concussion.

So, to recap, if you're famous, picking up a kid and throwing him off an 8 foot stage is second degree harassment.  If you're like me, you probably thought second degree harassment was more along the lines of drawing a frowny face on someone's notebook, but no, it's smashing two kids heads together and giving one of them a concussion.  Also, digging up the recently dead and fucking them is now considered "loitering" and you're allowed to shoot someone in the face as long as you call "no take backs".