BRITNEY HAS LOST HER KIDS

Britney Spears has lost a lot over the last few years.  Her husband, her career, her famous figure.  But one thing they can never take away from her is her kids.  Oh wait never mind.

Britney Spears must hand over custody of her sons to Kevin Federline this week "until further order of the court," a judge ruled Monday after a closed-door hearing.L.A. Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon gave no reasons in his written decision, issued after lawyers met with him in a private session requested by Federline's lawyer. The ruling says that Federline gets custody starting Wednesday.But the ruling came after the filing of misdemeanor charges against Spears – hit-and-run and driving without a valid California license – and claims by her ex-bodyguard that she used drugs and is a danger to her children, Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.Gordon also previously found that Spears is a "habitual, frequent and continuous" user of alcohol and controlled substances, and ordered her to submit to random twice-weekly testing.

Yeah sorry about that, "they can never take her kids" thing.  I was way off.  I meant to say "pizza".  They can never take her pizza.  She guards that fuckin thing like Gollum.