STUFF FROM ALL OVER

MAYA RUDOLPH IS NOT RETURNING TO SNL – I have no idea who that is and I have no intention of looking up who that is.  In fact, if you had asked me 30 seconds ago, I would have signed a sworn deposition that SNL went off the air in 1982.JOHN MCTIERNAN IS GOING TO JAIL – The Hollywood Reporter says:

“More than a year after admitting he lied to the FBI about his association with Anthony Pellicano only to later try to retract it, director John McTiernan was sentenced Monday to four months in a federal prison.  His lawyers argued that the director rushed to find an attorney after having a phone conversation with an FBI agent who asked him about hiring Pellicano, the infamous Hollywood private investigator who has pleaded not guilty to charges in a 111-count indictment accusing him of wiretapping and bribing police to obtain information on celebrities and others.  McTiernan denied knowing Pellicano to the agent. He later admitted to hiring the private eye to wiretap producer Charles Roven in 2000

McTiernan directed "Predator", "Die Hard" and "the Hunt for Red October", back to back to back, which is maybe the coolest streak any director has ever had.  Except for my sex tapes with Jessica Biel, Alba, and Simpson.  The New York Times called my effort a "puckish romp, sure to delight and entertain.”  MAGGIE Q FOR PETA – "MI:3" and "Die Hard 4" star Maggie Q is the new spokesperson for PETA.  Actually, PETA Asia Pacific, because Asian people can't be spokespeople for everything, just Asian things.  But whatever, she's fuckin hot.  This won't make me reconsider eating meat, but I will consider eating meat while masturbating, if that helps in any way.