IM A LOSER

In an interview this week with Britain's Q Magazine, Avril Lavigne did what many top experts previously considered impossible, namely making herself look like an even bigger bitch than normal.  Us magazine says:

On her polarizing personality:"People love me and people hate me, but I'm comfortable in my own skin and that's what counts. And anyway if you do hate me, you're the loser, not me."On her competition:"Someone like Kelly Clarkson is beautiful and has a pretty voice, but with me you get a much stronger image. I'm tough, I have a look that girls want to copy, and I sound a particular way. It's good if you're not easily ignored. And I'm not."On her generosity:"I am a very giving person. When the hurricane thing happened, I went to my closet, filled six boxes of stuff and said to my assistant, 'Take it to Katrina!' I also like to give stuff to people who are my 'workers,' especially if they don't make much money."

I wish I was one of Avrils "workers".  Because instead of being paid with money, which is good anywhere, I could be paid in Iron Maiden t-shirts.  I would wear it every day.  In fact, I'd have too.  If any of Avrils workers are reading this, I have two words for you: poison … cigarettes.

(Just as a reminder, NBA Hall of Famer Karl Malone moved 18 pieces of heavy machinery, including three bulldozers and a backhoe, into areas destroyed by Katrina, then personally spent 12 hours a day behind the wheel of a dozer, eventually clearing 114 lots for homeowners whose houses were buried under trees and debris.  Avril filled six boxes with torn fishnets and blue mascara, then gave someone else vague instructions.  Malone said almost nothing about it at the time.  Avril still brings it up three years later, seemingly the only kind act she can think of.  Karl also executed the pick-and-roll with seamless perfection during his playing days in Utah, while Avril just stood there like a fuckin stick while the ball bounced off her dopey face.  Advantage: Karl Malone)