SO WHERE IS LINDSAY ANYWAY?

The Insider says again today that Lindsay Lohan is still in rehab at the Cirque Lodge in Utah, but that hasn't been officially confirmed by anyone and no pictures of her have been taken in over a week.  They quote a source who left the center Tuesday saying that Lindsay arrived last Thursday.  But as a powerful Hollywood insider, I of course have high placed sources of my own.  And by that, I mean I have an email account. 

"I am an employee at Century 21 department store in Westbury, Long Island.  Lindsay Lohan's parents are frequently sighted at our store shopping for discounted designer clothing.  However, this past Tuesday (8/7/07)  I, as well as numerous other employees, spotted Lindsay herself in our store, accompanied by her mother and younger sister.  She was only in our store for a few short minutes, she quickly became paranoid about everyone around her, pulled her mother aside to tell her she was leaving, and exited promptly.  I was unaware that there is so much mystery as to where Lindsay is.  I feel obligated to let you, as well as everyone else, know she is home on Long Island."

So is she in rehab or not?  Sources don't get any more legit than anonymous emails, so I think it's 100 percent clear that she is not.  Other email sources reveal to me that hot sexy girls in my area are waiting just for me and there's no need to be shy about my manhood, not when there are all-natural pills that can make me the ultimate pleasure machine.  That last one sounds too good to be true, but it's guaranteed.  They couldn't guarantee it if it didn't work!