LINDSAY WILL NOT BE CHARGED

Does anyone go to god damn jail in Hollywood?  Didn't Britney slam into someones parked car on videotape two weeks ago?  No one in law enforcement cares about that?  Don't the cops do stuff like this anymore?  They still arrest people for committing crimes, right?  Jesus, apparently not, because word is Lindsay Lohan will basically not be charged for 2 DUIs, 2 counts of possession of cocaine, transporting a narcotic into a custodial facility, driving on a suspended license, drinking underage and fleeing the scene of an accident.  TMZ says:

…there is a "strong possibility" the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office will NOT file felony charges against Lindsay Lohan in connection with her two DUI arrests….charges may be filed tomorrow, and the D.A. is leaning toward rejecting three possible felonies. Sources say the D.A. almost certainly will not file cocaine charges in connection with her DUI bust Memorial Day weekend in Beverly Hills.As for her July 24 arrest in Santa Monica, the D.A. could charge her with felony cocaine possession, and bringing cocaine into a correctional facility — also a felony. But we're told that the D.A. is inclined not to file those felony charges either.That basically leaves misdemeanor DUI charges for both incidents. If Lohan is found guilty of both, she'd have to serve a minimum of four days in jail….Lohan's mega-lawyer Blair Berk and prosecutors have been talking a lot and that spells a possible plea bargain.

Keep in mind she had twice the legal limit of booze in her system as she raced down PCH like a T-Rex was chasin her, and her only punishment so far has been a nature hike in Utah.  True story – A friend of mine lived in Colorado, and one night he left a bar drunk.  He stumbled over to his car to wait for his friends, who were going to drive him home.  He sat in the passenger seat for a few minutes, then turned the ignition on to run the heater.  A cop in the parking lot saw this and gave him a DUI, even though the car never moved an inch, wasn't even in gear and he wasn't even behind the wheel.  He sat in jail for 5 days waiting to see a judge.  That's 500 percent more time than Lindsay has done for driving like James Bond while high off her ass, twice.  Although to be fair, Randy's tits aren't very perky.  "They're okay, I guess," said the Los Angeles district attorney. "But Lindsays … damn, they're all like, 'ba-dow!' ", he added as he cupped his hands over his chest and stuck his ass out.