“IM THE GREATEST ACTRESS IN THE WORLD”

If you think about it, Lindsay Lohan doesn't seem to have very many girlfriends who are actresses or who also work in Hollywood.  This might be why:

According to a former pal of the party girl, Lindsay "ranted and raved about her talent, claiming 'I'm the greatest actress in the world! No one's even close to me right now!’"  And then she proceeded to viciously slam a slew of young actresses, who she considered to be her competition.  She said Scarlett Johansson is "ugly, fat, and has no talent."  Jessica Simpson "can't sing and is as dumb as (bleep)."  Sienna Miller is a "no talent crackhead."  Keira Knightly is a "flat, shallow, cardboard cutout of an actress."  Jessica Biel is a "phony, scheming joke of an actress."

Whatever. The source for this is the Enquirer, and they probably have a bunch of fat people on their staff.  Fat people are real jealous all the time, and they're always pulling this kind of crap with sexy people like me and Lindsay and me. They think it's easy being this hot.  And the truth is – they're totally right. Seriously, it's fantastic. One of the doctors even said I might be immortal.  Because I'm so handsome, you see.