BRITNEY IS A GOOD MOM

You probably think you have a pretty good idea as to what Britney Spears is like as a parent.  Okay, now take that image you have in your head and double everything bad.  And now add some throwing stars and cobras and colorful delicious candy that's been dipped in poison.  Us magazine says:

Case in point: The tooth fairy may be making early visits to 22-month-old Sean. “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider tells Us.Another source says that, in April, Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.The bizarre behavior doesn’t stop there. Spears and her kids became high-end squatters July 22, when they toured – then took over for several hours – a Pacific Palisades home, on the market for $6.5 million.“She ate tacos on the bedroom floor!” a source says of the home. “She got crumbs and grease everywhere. She let her babies and her dog roam the floor. She left the bed a mess – I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

And Life and Style adds:

When Britney and Kevin were first married, she objected to his smoking around the kids, the insider notes, but now “she smokes like a chimney in front of them.” Even worse, when Brit misplaces her pack of cigarettes, “she’ll actually turn to Sean and say, ‘Baby, where are Mama’s lollipops?’ Sean runs, gets her cigarettes and brings them back to her.”

It's a solid idea to refer to cigarettes as "lollipops" in front of little kids.  It's a trick.  And little kids hate lollipops, so this way they'll avoid them.  Oh … wait.  Okay never mind.  Britney also told them that pistol under her bed was a microphone and a bottle of Percocet was a rattle.  Is that bad?  What could go wrong?