BRITNEY BRITNEY BRITNEY!!!

I promise nothing would make me happier than to stop posting Britney stories, but the crazy bitch is everywhere.  This is just the stuff from the past 24 hours:

BRITNEY IS DRUNK AND NAKED – Another shocking revelation: “She drinks in front of the kids,” one former staffer says of Spears. “At first, the drinks would help her loosen up and not be so angry. But she’d inevitably drink too much and be out of it, at which point the nannies would take care of the kids.”  And multiple sources confirm Spears’ exhibitionist streak: “She’ll strip down in front of staff, nannies, whomever,” says one. “She’ll ask, ‘Do I look sexy? Do I look pretty?’ She’s extremely insecure.”BRITNEY IS GAY – Britney’s quick tryst with Matt Encinias made headlines, but the music-video extra wasn’t the real target of Brit’s affection that night. OK! has learned that Britney spent the evening topless, nuzzling up to her former assistant Shannon Funk! “Instead of hooking up with him, [Shannon] ended up back in Brit’s room and bed,” a source tells OK!. Britney has been experimenting with girls since her teen years. She even put the moves on porn queen Jenna Jameson. “Jenna told me that Britney hit on her and that she hooks up with girls,” says adult-movie actress Tera Patrick. BRITNEY TELLS HER KIDS THEY WERE MISTAKES – “She makes out with men in front of the boys, refuses to change their diapers, puts whitening strips on their teeth.”BRITNEYS BODYGUARD AND EX ASSISTANT SERVED – Shannon Funk was served late Tuesday night at the airport in Long Beach, Calif.  Also on the list was the singer's bodyguard Daimon Shippen, who was served late Monday night as he was getting out of his car in Santa Monica, Calif.  Federline's lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is behind the subpoenas, which will be used to compel those close to Spears to discuss her parenting style.BRITNEY WILL OPEN THE VMAs – one of the worst kept secrets is that Britney will perform at the MTV Video Music awards on September 9th in Vegas.

God damn, trying to follow this bitch is exhausting.  Her entire life is like the punchline to a Jeff Foxworthy joke.