THE CHUPACABRA IS A WHORE

Nicole Richie was linked to Jeff Goldblum for a very short while, and now some are saying he could possibly be the father of her child.  Sources say:

The National Enquirer has claimed that Joel Madden may not be the Daddy.  They report that there were 4 guys in Nicole's life before she found out she was pregnant.Although Nicole has yet to confirm her pregnancy, the source also claims that paternity tests will be done to find out if Joel is the Daddy.The reported four dudes on the hook until paternity tests can confirm the Daddy are…Joel Madden, DJ AM, Brody Jenner and Jeff Goldblum

What it doesn't mention is that Richie and Goldblum were linked only very briefly in July of 2006, and she stopped dating Jenner in October of 2006, so I'm not sure how they could be the dad.  It would also mean that all 4 of them had sex with the chubacabra, and I just find that impossible to believe.  You could push me out of a plane and I could still get an erection easier than if that goblin tried to seduce me.  There's literally no one on earth I'd want to fuck less than Nicole Richie.  Even if you forced me to make up someone I want to fuck less than Nicole Richie, that person would still end up looking very much like Nicole Richie.