ITS ALL SOMEONE ELSES FAULT

The Insider says a source very close to Lindsay Lohan claims she is innocent of any wrongdoing and her arrest two nights ago was simply a misunderstanding.  The source says Lindsays SUV was racing through Santa Monica because she was being chased by paparazzi, she was not actually behind the wheel and she knew nothing about the cocaine in her pocket because she was wearing someone else's pants.  According to Lindsays friends, the night went like this:

 – Lindsay was having a get together at her home. Several people will say she wasn't drinking, that she didn't even have a drink but at a certain point in the night, apparently, she fell off the wagon and did start drinking.   – When assistant Tarin Graham walked into the house, looking disheveled with teary red eyes, Lindsay was concerned that something had happened to her.  – There was some sort of altercation. Tarin either quit or Lindsay fired her. Tarin left and Lindsay followed. – There were definitely two people in the car with Lindsay that night. – Tarin's mother apparently made a police call b/c she was afraid someone was chasing her. – Right now, they don't know who may have been chasing her. It could have been paparazzi. – When the cops arrived, there were so many people in the parking lot that they automatically zeroed in on Lindsay. Apparently the altercation took place at about 1:30 in the a.m. – Lindsay was strong-armed into taking a breathalyzer test. They say the cocaine was not Lindsay's, she was wearing someone else's pants.

And it just kinda goes on like that for a while.  I think you get the idea.  "Someone else's pants".  It will seriously be one of the best days of my life if she goes to court with the "Someone Else's Pants" defense.  She should be arrested just for that.  Wait, did I say "arrested".  I meant to say "shot".