THE CHUPACABRA IS NERVOUS, UGLY

Thanks to our awesomely fucked up legal system, Nicole Richie is still awaiting trial after her December 11th arrest for driving the wrong way down the Burbank freeway while high on vicodin and marijuana, but now at least the end is in sight.  Yesterday a Los Angeles Superior Court ordered Nicole to stand trial on July 11th.  She faces up to one year behind bars.  The Chupacabra pled no contest four years ago to driving under the influence, which means that if she is found guilty this time, the judge must impose a jail sentence.  The law requires a mandatory sentence of five consecutive days in county jail as well as a one year license suspension for anyone twice-convicted of DUI.  Us magazine says:

Los Angeles District Attorney spokeswoman Jane Robison tells Us: "Commissioner Steven Lubell did not want any more delays. The trial is now set for July 11. It must happen within 10 days of that date or Richie must enter a plea."When asked if Richie was considering any kind of plea agreement in lieu of trial, Richie's lawyer Shawn Chapman Holley added "Just because it is set for trial that does not mean we are going to trial. We are still discussing things and we are still looking at the case."

I just pray she gets the same judge as Paris because driving down the freeway into oncoming traffic while stoned is way worse than driving on a suspended license.  If Nicole gets Paris’s judge, that dude might actually hang her.  Or make her fight other criminals to win her freedom, or maybe he can just bang his gavel and a trap door will open underneath her and she'll fall into a tank filled with sharks and eels and lions with flippers and a big giant snorkel.  Because lions are scary.

(oh and she's also clearly pregnant now.  What a blessing for the world.)