AKON IS IN TROUBLE (IM KIDDING, OF COURSE)

It’s still not clear what a fan threw in this video that drove Akon so nuts, but one source quoted in a local paper said it was a piece of a pretzel. And then, obviously, Akon picked him up and threw him off a stage. Because, you know, why wouldn’t he? Point being, now local police are trying to find the victim to pursue legal action. The Poughkeepsie Journal says:

Detective. Lt. John Berlingieri of the Fishkill Police said talks have been held within the department regarding the possibility of questioning Akon about the incident, which occurred during Fishkill-based WSPK (104.7 FM)’s annual KFEST concert at Dutchess Stadium. “We’re trying to identify that kid, just to find out whether or not we have any kind of criminal offense,” Berlingieri said. “We are looking to speak to him. No victim. No crime.”

Wow these are some kind of super-cops. They're like gazelles – I've never seen such speed. Akon didn't throw the dude into a shredder, he's somewhere, but so what if he's not. You can watch Akon do it, what more do you need? I swear to god we're at the point where a celebrity could make a hat from bald eagles and Eskimos and the cops would just stare at them with their chin on the palms of their hands like some lovesick teen girl.