PAULA ABDUL IS SAD

The New York Post has obtained a recording of a recent conference call during which "American Idol" host Paula Abdul has a complete breakdown, crying about her publicist, her health and her treatment on "Idol".  Page Six says:

She sobs on the tape: "I've never been treated this way and I've never seen anybody treated this way. This is just too much to stomach." "I've been going through tremendous amounts of a difficult time." "I do a call-in every week for OK! Magazine on 'American Idol.' Because of my brilliant job, they want to do a cover on me. I'm being told by (publicist) Howard Bragman that I'm too old and no one will ever want to do a cover.""I'm being tested. All I've ever wanted in my life is to be treated fairly and be treated with kindness. And I've never in my entire career been treated this way. The people who are supposed to take care of these things do not. I have to clean up after them everywhere they go. And I'm tired of it.""Howard Bragman on Monday – he did some disgusting behavior. I had to go to Jimmy Kimmel with no publicist there.  I go on with no publicist there and I pay this man . . .""I don't understand how this man can call me a whining bitch. I've never in my life been called a whining bitch and a loser."

Wow, this whining bitch has no idea how to get online does she?  I can't remember the last time I thought Paula Abdul was anything less than a total fucking retard, but I was probably drinking Sunny Delight and hanging up a 3-D horse poster when I did it.  What the hell does she even do on that show?  You could replace her with a seal and no one would notice for 6 months.  Not because the seal clapped less or made less sense, but because Paula can't balance a ball on her nose or ride a skateboard.