PARIS SENTENCED TO 45 DAYS IN JAIL

A Los Angeles Superior Court judge sentenced Paris Hilton to 45 days in jail today after she violated her probation by repeatedly driving on a suspended license and ignoring several court orders.  She will begin her sentence on June 5th.  It is not known if she can appeal.  TMZ says: 

An emotional Paris, with tears welling in her eyes, told the judge moments before the decision, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."  Witnesses inside the courtroom say that Paris' parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, were both visibly upset as the sentence was handed down.  Kathy, we're told, was especially distraught.

Moments after Paris Hilton was sentenced to serve 45 (days in jail), her mother, Kathy, rushed over to the lead prosecutor and lashed out, "I want your autograph. This is pathetic."In the same breath, as she walked out of the courtroom, Kathy looked up and said, "I can't believe all the money we spent on this."

Holy Crap!  I cant believe she's really going to jail!  This is gonna suck.  Trust me, jail sucks.  When you're a hard motha fucka like me, bangin on the streets as a shortie, livin like a trap star, it's a way of life, a rite of passage.  Except, replace "bangin on the street" with "going to the country club" and "livin like a trap star" with "being scared of the high dive but eventually holding my nose and jumping with my eyes closed".