PARIS IS NEVER GONNA MAKE IT

The New York Daily News talked to a few sources with an intimate knowledge of the Century Regional Detention Facility – where Paris Hilton is due to begin a 45 day jail term starting June 5th – and they had a few opinions.  Try and guess if they're good.  .

"If you act like you're all high-class and uppity," (a source) said, "you're done.""My ex-wife got beat up and got a black eye in this place," said a man who declined to give his name out of fear of retribution against the woman.Hilton will likely be living in a one- or two-person cell and segregated from the general population for her safety as a high-profile inmate, (which is lucky for Hilton because) the general population showers together and a large group of "very masculine lesbians" prey on them."This is bad.  She's not going to make it."Hilton will have to say "goodbye" to dye jobs and cosmetics and "hello" to five-minute showers once a day.Her friends and family will only be able to talk to her through glass and her phone calls will be made on the jail's closely monitored pay phones.Paris will have to make two pairs of socks, one bra, two pairs of panties and two blue jumpsuits last for a week."You have to take your underwear and wash them out in the shower.  The only thing you're allowed for makeup is a lipliner."Instead, she'll get a stainless steel cot topped by a thin mattress, one thin sheet and one scratchy wool blanket."The bedding is very minimal.  And my daughter says the food is disgusting."Paris would start her days in jail with a hard-boiled egg, a bowl of cold cereal and a small carton of milk.And for lunch?"They get baloney and bread with either mustard or mayonnaise, sometimes an apple and some watered down juice."

I think Paris should go in there and let everyone know right from the start that she could buy and sell their asses and that she can't believe she's in there and that this place is a dump, not at all like where she's used to staying. That will establish that she's very important and doesn't belong in a place like that.  Because she's been rich her whole life.   Pretty soon everyone will want to meet the rich girl and be her friend.  So go ahead and try that Paris.  I've got a really lucky feeling about that approach.