JESSICA SIMPSON IS SINGLE

Jessica Simpson and John Mayer have broken up after dating off but mostly on for the past 6 months.  People says:

"They have broken up," says the source. "But they have broken up and gotten back together at least ten times before." According to the source, the pair are in constant contact – even as Simpson promotes her new film Major Movie Star at the Cannes Film Festival in France. "They talk to each other at least six times a day. I don't know if this breakup is permanent, but for right now they are broken up." Another source who knows the couple confirms to PEOPLE that pair have split. "She's kind and sweet and he's a terrific guy, but it's safe to say it has run its course."

The article just kind of went on and on like that but Jessica looks like absolute hell these days so I don't care and I got bored halfway through, so I then attempted to answer the question that has haunted man since the dawn of time: can I flick a chocolate raisin off my desk and hit my girlfriends cat.  Stay tuned for the shocking results. 

TRIUMPHANT UPDATE – bam! 

(remember this Jessica?  wasnt that great?)