JESSICA BIEL IS PRETTY ALL THE TIME

Jessica Biel is so alarmingly normal it's freakin me out. I saw a monkey smoke a pipe and read a book one time and that seemed downright plausible compared to this.  I didn't even think trash bins and borax and fuzzy zebra slippers existed in the world of sexy Hollywood stars.  I just assumed she had servants for stuff like this, and by "servants", I mean "talking mice" and "fairies with wands" and instead of a car she got to meetings in a coach pulled by a Pegasus.  But pink robes and trash and goofy slippers?  No, no, that's not what the sexual escapades in my wish book looked like at all.