WOODY HARRELSONS DAD DIED IN JAIL

CNN is reporting that Woody Harrelson's father died of a heart attack last Thursday in the Supermax federal prison where he was serving two life sentences for the murder of a federal judge.  He was 69 (editors note – tee-hee, 69!).  Charles Harrelson was found unresponsive in his cell on the morning of March 15.  An autopsy showed Harrelson had severe coronary artery disease and probably died in his sleep.  U.S. District Judge John Wood Jr. did not die in his sleep.  He died in 1979 when a drug dealer hired Harrelson to kill him.  So Harrelson shot him repeatedly in the driveway outside of his home.  Before that, according to his wiki page:

Harrelson was tried for the 1968 killing of Sam Degilia in Edinburg, Texas.  The trial ended in a hung jury: 11 for conviction, one for acquittal … Harrelson was retried in 1974  … Harrelson was found guilty and sentenced to 15 years in prison. With time off for good behavior, he was free in five years.Harrelson has declared that he was involved in John F. Kennedy's assassination. Some think he was one of the three tramps photographed after being arrested on November 22, 1963 in a boxcar in the railyard near Dealey Plaza. Harrelson's arresting officer, Marvin L. Wise, claims that the three men in his custody were released after a few hours of questioning.

I've killed a lot of people too.  Well I guess not really a lot.  More like three.  And I guess they were other pokemon trainers, not real people, but my point is that I know what its like to live life by the sword.  That’s how I got all these scars.  Granted, mine are from peeling an apple and one time i fell off a swing, but they could have been from real knife fights.  I read once that if I eat the heart of enemy, I gain his powers.  Unfortunately, that’s kind of gross, so I may just try to eat some of his sandwich.  Ooo, I hope my enemy has cake!