TOM CRUISE IS FUCKIN CRAZY

Us.com says that Katie Holmes has spent hours in tears with friend Victoria Beckham because Tom Cruise is making her life miserable.  Sources say:

"Katie has been crying over the phone.  She's frustrated. Tom is denying her every single thing.  Once, Katie and Victoria talked on the phone for four hours."

Which must be annoying for Cruise because it means he's getting the voice mail when he calls Victoria as he tries to badger her and husband David Beckham into joining his sham religion:

"Victoria is sick and tired of Tom being on her back about Scientology.  Victoria is an old-fashioned British woman who believes in God. She finds it quite rude that Tom is bugging her so much. Not too long ago, Tom left 18 messages in one hour to get them to join the church.  When she says no, she means no."

Well, actually 18 messages in one hour really isn't that many.  Wait, there are 900 minutes in an hour, right?  Oh, okay, never mind.  I guess it is a lot.  But it's really really important.  Tom Cruise is just trying to help.  One day soon, Tom Cruise will be on the ramp of a spaceship, waving goodbye to all of us on earth who didn't clear our engrams, wearing a silver jumpsuit with an X across his chest.  Where's your "God" now Victoria?  Not in a silver jumpsuit with Tom Cruise, I'll tell you that.