THIS IS GONNA LAST FOREVER

Page Six says that rapper/comic (wait, what?) Nick Cannon (Nick Cawho?) may have married his girlfriend of three-weeks, Victorias Secret model Selita Ebanks (umm…) last weekend in Las Vegas (okay, that one I know). At least that’s the rumor, but sources close to the couple I've never heard of say its probably just a rumor:

"That sounds unlikely." A pal of Ebanks laughed, "She just spent Valentine's Day with another guy who got her all this stuff from Tiffany and Cartier. She's a player and just having fun since she signed her $17 million contract with Victoria's Secret."

HOLY SHIT, THESE WHORES MAKE 17 MILLION DOLLARS?!  What in gods name for?  This chick doesn't even have big boobs.  And it's not like modeling needs some amazing talent.  Being good at modeling is about as impressive as being good at touching your toes.  My penis and I were talking and we agree, this chick isn't even that hot, sure as hell not 17 million dollars hot.  She better be funny as hell.  My penis suggested maybe she would look hotter if she took pictures while making out with one of her lady friends, but that's pretty much my penises answer to everything.