ANGELINAS MOM DIED

Marcheline Bertrand, actress and mother of Angelina Jolie, died on Saturday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles after a seven year battle with cancer.  She was 56.  In her final moments, she was with Angelina and her brother James Haven, as well as Angelina’s boyfriend Brad Pitt.  Bertrand raised Angelina and James by herself after divorcing their father, actor Jon Voight, when Jolie was a toddler.  A friend who dated Haven said:

"Marcheline was beautiful, caring and totally devoted to her children. I never saw her upset or sad, even after she was diagnosed with cancer.  She always treated me like a member of her family."

Still, that sounds like a pretty cool way to go, with a bunch of big stars standing around your bed.  I'd have to ask James to leave though.  He’s not really famous enough.  And I’d have him replaced with some hot model, like Marissa Miller maybe.  And then I’d have Angelina and Marissa start makin out.  And then my plans would be fulfilled, and my last words on earth would be, "… so … awesome…"